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29 Jan 2009 / Julie

the rules of shipping. or a guide for boys*

Girl1 twitters need for calculator. Girl2 has calculator and offers to ship it to Girl1. Girl2, leaving for Denver, has Boy overnight calculator to Girl1. Fast forward a few days. Girl2 finds that Boy shipped the calculator in a bag, not a box. Girl2 is dumbstruck. Laughter occurs and the RULES FOR SHIPPING are born:

rule #1
a box is the default and non-negotiable packaging material for items that can be squished, broken, or otherwise scratched, bent, or bruised. The items in said boxes should be wrapped and cushioned well in paper, air, bubbles, biodegradable peanuts, or other cushiony materials.

a calculator should be wrapped in bubble wrap or newspaper and surrounded by newspaper or bubbles in a box that’s only a little larger than the item itself.

rule #2
the only items that should be shipped in envelopes / bags than move when blown are items that move when blown.

Example: Shipping a sweater? Put it in a ziplock to protect it and keep it clean and then put it in a paper or Kevlar envelope. Shipping a contract? Try a cardboard envelope. Shipping a puppy? Who does that!?

rule #3
write the return address and sending address in big, clear letters. Preferably in black marker. The bigger the package, the thicker the marker.

rule #4
securely close boxes and envelopes. Is your envelope flap not staying closed? Use tape. Boxes should be taped at least once across each direction on both the top and bottom, especially for heavier items.

Remember that the main priority for shipping items is to keep the item safe and un-battered during transit. Your second priority is speed of delivery. Doesn’t matter how fast it got there if it’s damaged.

Side Note #1: Boy asked USPS the best and fastest way to ship calculator to Girl1. They said a box couldn’t be used for overnight priority shipping and suggested the kevlar bag. Wtf!?

Side Note #2: I’m running out of companies i’m willing to use to ship things. FedEx and DHL are already on my banned list.

*the blanket statement made was for humor purposes and was not intended to single out men as poor shippers. :-)

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